Sycamine Tree Part V

This week will be the final sycamine tree lesson.  Part V.  Here is Part I, Part II, Part III, and Part IV if you have missed them.

As before, please keep in mind my (DISCLAIMER:  I know nothing of Rick Renner or Rick Renner Ministries.  I am in no way promoting them, only using this writing of his that was very good.)   And that all MY (and things the teacher added) thoughts will be in italics.
Part V

4.  The sycamine tree was pollinated only by wasps.

It is very interesting to note that the sycamine tree was not naturally pollinated.  The pollination process was only initiated when a wasp stuck its stinger right into the heart of the fruit.  Thus, the tree and it's fruit had to be "stung" in order to be reproduced.  Had to be stung to reproduce!

Think of how many times you have heard a bitter person say:  "I've been stung by that person once, but I'm not going to be stung again!  What he did hurt me so badly that I'll never let him get close enough to sting me again!"  It is likely that people who make such a statement have been "stung" by a situation that the devil especially devised to pollinate their hearts and souls with bitterness and unforgiveness.  When a person talks like this, you can know for sure that the wasp of bitterness got to them!

Jesus said that in order to rid this nuisance from one's life, a person must have faith the size of "a grain of mustard see."  The word "grain" is the Greek word kokkos.  It describes a see, a grain, or a very small kernel.  Jesus uses the example of a "mustard" seed in this example.  The word "mustard" is the Greek word sinapi, which refers to the small mustard plant that grows from a  tiny, miniscule seed.

By using this word, Jesus was telling His disciples that a great amount of faith is not needed to deal with bitterness and unforgiveness.  Any person who has even a tiny measure of faith can speak to bitterness and unforgiveness and command them to leave-IF that is really the desire of his heart.

So what is your desire today, friend?  Do you genuinely wish to be free from the bitterness, unforgiveness, and offense that has festered in your soul for so long?  Are  you ready to rip those destructive roots clear out of your heart so they won't be able to resurface in your life again?  Are you tired of those detrimental attitudes killing your joy, stealing your peace, and nullifying your spiritual life? 

I hope you have enjoyed these lessons as much as I have!  It definitely brought about some thinking and soul searching in myself!  Hope you have a blessed week!

Over here we are still,

Sycamine Tree~Part IV

This week we will cover Part IV.  Here is Part I, Part II, and Part III if you need to catch up.

Please keep in mind my (DISCLAIMER:  I know nothing of Rick Renner or Rick Renner Ministries.  I am in no way promoting them, only using this writing of his that was very good.)   And that all MY (and things the teacher added) thoughts will be in italics.
Part IV

3.  The sycamine tree produced a fig that was very bitter to eat.

Luke 17:6  And the Lord said, If ye had faith as a grain of mustard see, ye might say unto this sycamine tree, Be thou plucked up by the root and be thou planted in the sea; and it should obey you.

In Matthew 18:8-9 it talks about if thy hand or foot offend thee cut them off...if thine eye offend thee pluck it out...

Definition of PLUCK=to pull quickly or pick off or out from its place of growth; to remove or force out abruptly with sudden force or jerk to remove or detach; to pull or jerk; snatch; yank; separate

This "plucking" is like a "wow" moment.  "Be thou plucked up by the root..."  jerk it out...it's going to take some effort...some sweating...some doing and you can't get ahold of it and just kind of pull...you have to JERK...YANK with force!

The sycamine tree and the mulberry tree were very similar in appearance;  the two trees even produced a fruit that looked identical.  However, the fruit of the sycamine tree was extremely bitter.  Its fruit looked just as luscious and delicious as the mulberry fig.  But when a person tasted the fruit of the sycamine fig, he discovered that it was horribly bitter.

 Mulberry

Sycamine

 

(Bitter- having a harsh disagreeable taste; hard to admit or accept.)

Mulberry figs were delicious and therefore expensive.  Because of the cost of this fruit, it was primarily eaten by wealthier people.  But the sycamine fig was cheap and therefore affordable to poorer people.  Because the poor couldn't afford the luscious mulberry fig, they munched on the sycamine fig as a substitute.

However, the sycamine fig was so bitter that it couldn't be eaten whole.  In order to consume an entire sycamine fig, the eater had to nibble on it a little bit at a time.  After a pause, the eater would return to nibble on it again, but he could never devour an entire piece of this fruit at one time;  it was just too tart and pungent to eat at one sitting.

Jesus lets us know that like the sycamine fruit, the fruit of bitterness and unforgiveness is bitter, tart, and pungent.  Like the fig, most people who are bitter and filled with unforgiveness chew on their feelings for a long time.  They nibble on bitterness for a while; then they pause to digest what they've eaten.  After they have reflected deeply on their offense, they return to the memory table to start nibbling on bitterness again - taking one little bite, then another little bite, then another.  As they continue to think and meditate on their offense, they internalize their bitter feelings toward those who have offended them.  In the end, their perpetual nibbling on the poisonous fruit of bitterness makes them bitter, sour people themselves. 

(They develop a "taste" for it.  You know if you don't like something and you keep trying it and keep trying it eventually you can develop a "taste" for it and learn to "like" it.)

And just as the primary consumers of the sycamine fruit were poor people, those who sit around and constantly meditate on every wrong that has ever been done to them are usually bound up with all kinds of poverty.  Their bitter attitude not only makes them spiritually poor, but they are also frequently defeated, depressed, sick, and financially poor as well.  Those who are bitter are Spiritually poor and nibbling on the sycamine fig.

Psalms 55:12-22 
12  For it was not an enemy that reproached me; then I could have borne it:  neither was it he that hated me that did magnify himself against me; then I would have hid myself from him;
13 But it was thou, a man mine equal, my guide, and mine acquaintance.
14  We took sweet counsel together, and walked unto the house of God in company.
15  Let death seize upon them, and let them go down quick into hell:  for wickedness is in their dwellings, and among them.
16  As for me, I will call upon God; and the Lord shall save me.
17  Evening, and morning, and at noon, will I pray, and cry aloud:  and he shall hear my voice.
18  He hath delivered my soul in peace from the battle that was against me:  for there were many with me.
19  God shall hear, and afflict them, even he that abideth of old.  Selah.  Because they have no changes, therefore they fear not God.
20  He hath put forth his hands against such as be at peace with him:  he hath broken his covenant.
21  The words of his mouth were smoother than butter, but war was in his heart:  his words were softer than oil, yet were they drawn swords.
22  Cast they burden up then Lord, and he shall sustain thee:  he shall never suffer the righteous to be moved.

It's not the stranger or even the enemy that hurts us so much.  We don't know them...they don't know us, so it's easier to just "forget" about it.  But it's the person that was our FRIEND!  Someone we are/were close too.  I think of all the "Parts" of this lesson this one was one of the most touching to me.  These passages of scripture really rang out to me in this lesson.  Such a personal relationship with God.  Forgiveness is all about keeping yourself.  It's not so much FOR the other person, but for yourself...to free yourself!  Oh the liberating of this!!! 

I don't know if these lessons are doing for you what they have been and are doing for me, but I have been thoroughly enjoying them!

Keep,

I Don't Care How Old They Are...

...when a boy is sick he wants his momma (or wife if he has one) to take care of them!

My husbands phone rings at 2:30 A.M.  I was out.  In my subconscious state I thought it was his alarm clock, until I hear him talking to it.  Then I was like no wait, he's on the phone, (or else he's crazy and trying to answer his alarm clock.)  It took a moment to register, then fear kicks in.  That's what happens when your phone rings in the middle of the night.  It usually means someone died or is about to die...or some other SERIOUS emergency. 

I hear my husband say, "I'll be there in a few minutes." ..."No I'm leaving right now, as soon as I get dressed."

By this time I am sitting up on the bed.  He hangs up the phone and says, "Firefighter's sick.  I need to go pick him up."  Firefighter was at work.  He was doing an overnight 16 hour shift.  He had awakened dizzy, light headed, throwing up and feeling like he was going to pass out.  I said, "Well I will go with you so we can go ahead and  bring his car back."  So at 2:30 A.M. we throw on whatever clothes we can find and head out the door.  We get there and he is about to throw up again.  He heads to the bathroom and waves for me to follow him.  I do.  We get in there and well lets just say you know he's sick if he says, "Please don't leave me.  I feel like I'm going to pass out."  (but that's what a mother does.  She is there for you at your best...and your worst.  She would have it no other way.)

Well, that was the beginning of a LOOONNNGGG night.  For him and I both!  This virus is violent and hateful!  He was throwing up every 15-20 minutes for 3 hours!  He laid on the couch, I was on the loveseat....praying!  I would try to get him to drink some peppermint tea, or anything really, just because I think it's easier to have something to throw up than to just dry heave.  He couldn't do it.  So I kept watching the poor guy dry heave.  There is something about a mother watching her child be sick.  I don't care how old they are, it breaks your heart...esp. when there is nothing you can do for them except rub their back, get cool wash cloths, wipe their face, bring them pillows, blankets, water, empty the "puke bucket"...give them love. 

As I do all these things I wonder, How in the world could a mother kill or seriously hurt her child on purpose?  I can't stand to see him in this pain of just having a stomach virus.

After 3 hours he had about an hour break.  That was the last time he threw up.  About 6:00.  I still laid there until about 8:00.  I thought, I better go see if the others are going to go to church.  "yes, are you?"  I said, "there is no way I am leaving him here by himself."  I'm thinking what if he passed out?  What if he needs me to get him something?  Besides, I've been up all night long there is no way I could make it through church.  So here I stayed...and slept.  We both slept.  We are both feeling better, me somewhat rested and he is calmer.  He is sore from dry heaving and just laying.  Asking for Gatorade.  His dad will bring him some home.

As a mother, yes, I hate when my kids are sick, but I will stay up all night and make sure they are comfortable.  Or stay close by them in case they need anything.  And I'm reminded...If I love my child(ren) that much, how much more God loves me...and them.  When I worry about "things" and wonder what is going to happen...I need to just remember God is right there, he is close by in case I need anything.  He will be right there, ready to give us whatever it is we need.  No matter how old we are...we need God to take care of us...all the time!

(Now hopefully this hateful thing doesn't think it needs to go through everyone of us.)

Lessons of,

Sycamine Tree ~ Part III

Today we are going to cover Part III.  If you missed Part 1 and Part II you can catch up.

I also found this quote and thought it went along well with Part 1 but will go with the whole lesson.

Please keep in mind my (DISCLAIMER:  I know nothing of Rick Renner or Rick Renner Ministries.  I am in no way promoting them, only using this writing of his that was very good.)   And that all MY (and things the teacher added) thoughts will be in italics.
Part III

2.  The sycamine tree's wood was the preferred wood for building caskets.

In Egypt and the Middle East, the sycamine tree was considered to be the preferred wood for building caskets and coffins.  It grew quickly and in nearly any environment, making it accessible in many different places.  It also grew best in dry conditions - the kind of conditions for which the Middle East is famous.  These are two reasons sycamine wood was used in so many  places for building caskets and coffins.

Again, we can see why this illustration of the sycamine tree is so ideal for portraying bitterness and unforgiveness.  Just as the sycamine tree grew very quickly, so does bitterness and unforgiveness.  In fact, it doesn't take too long at all for these evil forces to get out of control and start taking over the whole place!  When these fast-growing and ugly attitudes are allowed to grow freely, they not only spoil the condition of your own heart, but they ruin your relationships with other people.

Also, just as the sycamine tree grew easily in every environment, so does bitterness.  It doesn't matter where people are from, where they live, what kind of cultural background they grew up in, or what level of society they belong to - bitterness and unforgiveness grow in human hearts everywhere, for they are universal in their scope of evil influence.

The sycamine tree grew best where little rain fell and water was sparse.  Isn't this just like bitterness and unforgiveness?  These negative attitudes flourish where spiritually dry conditions exist.  You can almost count on finding bitterness and unforgiveness growing and blossoming where there is no repentance, no joy, and no fresh rain of the Spirit.  (If you have no moisture in your soul you can just about guarantee to find bitterness.)

And don't forget that sycamine wood was the preferred wood for building caskets and coffins.  What a powerful message this is!  It tells us that bitterness and unforgiveness are DEADLY.  Harboring bitterness will spiritually bury you more quickly than anything else!  These attitudes are the materials that Satan uses to put you six feet underground!  Let me stress this point to you because it's so important:  If you permit bitterness and unforgiveness to grow in your life, it won't be long until these attitudes have killed your joy, stolen your peace, and canceled out your spiritual life!

A life of,

Sycamine Tree~Part II

As we covered Part I last week.  Today we are going to cover Part II. 

Please keep in mind my (DISCLAIMER:  I know nothing of Rick Renner or Rick Renner Ministries.  I am in no way promoting them, only using this writing of his that was very good.)   And that all MY (and things the teacher added) thoughts will be in italics.

1.  The sycamine tree had a very large and deep root structure.

The sycamine tree was known to have one of the deepest root structures of all trees in the Middle East.  It was a vigorous and robust tree that grew to a height of thirty feet or more.  Because its roots went down so deep into the earth, it was very difficult to kill.  Hot weather and blistering temperatures had little effect on this tree because it was tapped into a water source down deep under the earth.  Even cutting it to its base would not guarantee its death because its roots, hidden deep under the ground, would draw from underground sources of water, enabling it to keep resurfacing again and again.  In other words, this tree was VERY difficult to eradicate. 

(just look at these roots...they are bigger than the tree itself!)

No wonder Jesus used this tree as an example of bitterness and unforgiveness!  Like the sycamine tree, bitterness and unforgiveness must be dealt with clear to the roots, or they will keep springing up again and again.  The roots of bitterness and unforgiveness go down deep into the human soul, fed by any offense that lies hidden in the soil of the heart.  That hidden source of offense will cause these evil forces to resurface in a person's life over and over again.  It will take a serious decision for that person to rip those roots of bitterness and offense out of his heart once and for all so they can't grow back in the future.

Some definitions:
For-completely
give- let go; give up; completely give up; give up desire to see it punished; untie; release
forgive-to grant pardon for an offense
rebuke-sharp, stern disapproval of.
offense-insult; injury; striking against; feelings being hurt
trespass- when someone crosses our boundaries and hurts us.violation; causes injury to person, property or rights of another; unlawful act

Matthew 18:21-22 Jesus tells us to forgive 70 times 7...he doesn't literally mean 490 times.  He is saying over and over and over...I mean really if you are counting there is already something working.

I mentioned last week that sometimes we need to "rebuke" the offender...they may not (or may) know that they have caused an offense. 

Hebrews 12:15 looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled;

Forgiveness isn't for the offender.  It's for the offended.  The Hebrew writer said LOOKING DILIGENTLY LEST...  Also Luke 17:3 says; Take HEED to YOURSELVES:  if thy brother trespass against thee, rebuke him; and if he repent, forgive him.

Take HEED!  Heed- give careful attention to.  Take heed TO YOURSELF, so do protect yourself.  Forgiveness it to protect your own heart!  Your own self! 

I remember my mother telling me one time about something that had happened to her.  I can't find the date (if I do find it I will edit the post and insert it.) but there was a devotion in the Streams in the Desert that talked about someone who had been deeply hurt.  They went out and dug a hole and buried the hurt...but they had to dig it deep.  My mother was so hurt by this individual...hurt deeply.  One day she was determined she was going to get rid of this hurt.  She went to her room, closed the door, and was not coming out until God had taken it from her.  She got down to pray and she mentally began digging a hole.   After a while she said, I think this is deep enough.  No, you need to go deeper.  So she dug deeper.  This went on for a while.  Finally, she felt a peace that the hole was deep enough.  She laid her hurt there, and covered it up.  Yes, she still remembered what had happened, but she no longer carried the hurt with her.  She had given it to God.

Just like the sycamine roots are so very deep, we have to dig deep to get to the ROOT of the problem so it can be eradicated.  I have never forgotten that story.  What if my mother had not gone deeper when the still small voice told her too?  It would have been too near the surface, that it could have been dug back up.  She had to make sure it was deep enough so it couldn't poke it's ugly head back up.

My own personal experience.  Several years ago, I received the ugliest, nastiest letter on my birthday.  I cried for days...weeks...I was so hurt, so crushed, so...everything.  It was just horrible!  I had kept that letter for a while, b/c once the hurt passed, then I became angry.  I was so angry at this person.  I do not remember how long I kept this, but one day as I was mentally struggling with this, and really wanted to be free of the anger.  I really felt God was telling me to let it go...just let it go!  I can't remember the exact situation now...I don't remember if we were having a family campfire, or just burning some boxes or what, but I got that letter and burnt it.  It was so liberating to be free from that letter.  I could go around that individual after that, it was tense, but I could do it.  And I would try to do things, small things for that person.  I really was probably doing it for myself to help me deal with it, but I did.  It seemed to only frustrate the other person, but I kept on.  Not trying to frustrate them, but b/c I wanted to prove I still cared.  I don't know when...I don't know how (I do know God...)...but at some point that wall crumbled and to this day I do not remember anything that was written in that letter, and this person and I can talk freely and are on good terms with each other.  I can now honestly say I love this person dearly.   It certainly was nothing I done...nothing at all.  It was definitely God.  But I had to be obedient to what He inspired me to do. 

I am currently in a situation that is a little harder to seem to rectify.  There are some you have to bury and then keep your distance.  It happens.  If someone willingly will not respect your boundaries you have to put some distance there.  If someone is bent on continually hurting you, you aren't going to keep going around them.  I received some counseling on this situation because I really needed to know if I was as horrible as I was being told I was.  Because if I was, I was badly deceived, and needed help.  The devil was making a playground out of this situation.  It was put to me this way;  if you knew every time you walked by me I was going to kick you in the shins or spit on you, eventually you would stop walking by me and make every effort to find another way.  That is not wrong...it is avoiding unnecessary pain.  You still have to pray for the person(s) involved, and you can't hate them, and you have to forgive them, but you do not have to knowingly put yourself in position to be hurt.  This situation is a burden to me, and I have to make sure I do not become bitter.  Sometimes it's harder if things were also said of your spouse and/or children. (as in this case it was...and I KNOW those things were untrue)  The wife/mom in you wants to stand up and defend their honor!  Sometimes when I see those individuals all I can think about is what was said...then I know I still need to dig a little deeper.  This lesson has helped me to realize I need to dig a little deeper to bury this hurt.  So that I can honestly see them and that not be my first thoughts.  Yes, there may always be a wall there, that may be something I can do nothing about, but I sure want to protect my own heart!  I will know I have dug deep enough when I see them or think of them and not think of what was said.  In fact, I just remembered...I think I have some evidence around here still.  I am going to go "burn" that right now!  Keeping "evidence" is a sign you are not ready to let it go.  It's also too easy to go back and "refresh the pain"...  Just keeping it real.  :)

UPDATE:  I did find the "evidence" in a folder titled "Misery Loves Company".  I'm sure when I made the folder I was thinking of them...but...anywho...I deleted it. I didn't open and read any of it...just deleted it.  But then you also have to take out the trash...don't leave it in the trash so it's easy to get back.  I "took out the trash too"!

Yes, I am still learning and,

Sycamine Tree Part 1

We recently just spent several weeks in Sunday School on a very interesting, needful lesson.  I am going to share it with you...It will have several parts.  The "teacher" did not come up with this writing on her own.  It was written by Rick Renner.  She just "happened" to have a copy of it, and was asked to share it.  She expounded on it of course, but it was such an interesting lesson that I want to share.  There were things brought out in ways I never thought about before.  (My own thoughts, will be in italics.)

(DISCLAIMER:  I know nothing of Rick Renner or Rick Renner Ministries.  I am in no way promoting them, only using this writing of his that was very good.)

Part 1
 
Why Jesus Compared Unforgiveness To the Sycamine Tree (by Rick Renner)

If ye had faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye might say unto this sycamine tree, be thou plucked up by the root, and be thou planted in the sea; and it should obey you.  Luke 17:6

(Sycamine tree was a very common tree in that day...Jesus used things people could relate to.)

In Luke 17:1-6, Jesus taught His desciples about bitterness and unforgiveness and about how to remove these evil forces from one's life.  As an illustration, Jesus likened these forces to the sycamine tree that was so well known in that part of the world.  The word "sycamine" comes from the Greek word sukaminos, and it is the Greek word that refers to a tree that grew throughout the Middle East.

(The sycamine tree and the sycamore tree are NOT the same tree.)

When you understand everything that is connected to the sycamine tree, you'll know exactly why Jesus chose to use this tree as an example of bitterness and unforgiveness in Luke 17:6.  In that verse, Jesus told His disciples, "...if ye had faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye might say unto this sycamine tree, Be thou plucked up by the root, and be thou planted in the sea; and it should obey you."  Notice that Jesus said, "...Ye might say unto THIS sycamine tree..."  The word "this" indicates that Jesus was pointing out something very specific to them. 

Keep in mind that Jesus was speaking of getting rid of bitterness and unforgiveness.  In Luke 17:3, He told the disciples that they needed to forgive those who sinned against them.  He then took it to the maximum in Luke 17:4 by saying that even if a brother does something wrong seven times in one day and is each time truly repentant, they were to keep on forgiving that offending brother. 

(that verse also says to "rebuke him"  don't go telling everyone else what he did...rebuke him, gently of course, :) and if he be repentant forgive him.  Sometimes I think bitterness starts...often times rather...b/c we are afraid or refrain from "rebuking" the other person.  They may or may not realize what they are doing is an offence to you and may need to be told.  So we refrain from rebuking and the devil lets it stew inside until before we know it we have become bitter.)

(I have always heard Luke 17:6...but it has always been referred to as "whatever you wanted done",  but Jesus was clearly talking about unforgiveness/offences/bitterness...the sycamine tree is a symbol of unforgiveness.)

Forgiving once is already a challenge for most people.  But to forgive someone seven times in one day almost sounds impossible to many folks.  It must have sounded preposterous to the disciples as well, for they said, "...Lord, Increase our faith" (Luke 17:5).  This statement was the equivalent of their saying, "Lord, we don't know if we have enough faith to forgive so many times in one day.  You'll have to increase our faith if we're going to do this seven times in one day!"

That is when Jesus began to teach His disciples about speaking to bitterness and unforgiveness.  He said, "...If ye had faith as a grain of mustard seed, (and a mustard seed is extremely tiny, so he is saying you don't need a great amount of faith to forgive...) ye might say unto this sycamine tree..."  When Jesus used the word "this", it was the equivalent of Jesus' telling them, "Bitterness and unforgiveness are just like the sycamine tree - and if you really want to be free of these attitudes, you can speak to this menacing growth in your life and command it to be planted in the sea!"

Before we can understand what Jesus taught about getting rid of bitterness and unforgiveness, we first need to see why He used the sycamine tree to illustrate these destructive forces.  Was there a particular reason why He didn't use the oak tree, an apple tree, or a palm tree in this illustration?  Why did He use the sycamine tree to symbolize the detrimental effects of bitterness and unforgiveness in a person's life?

As you look at the characteristics of the sycamine tree over the next few weeks, I believe you will comprehend why Jesus used this particular tree in this context.

Think about these things and next week I will do Part II.

 

A lesson I am currently learning while I am,



All My Babies

As I have been trying to encourage a friend, who just miscarried twins, it has caused me a lot of reflecting.  Yesterday I texted her that even though she is hurting right now, and we may never understand "why", this will mold her and her husband's character and make them better people in the long run.  It will bind them closer together as long as they honestly communicate their feelings to each other. 

I have since been thinking about what I said to her, and over my own experiences.  I'm going to share some of them with you today...

My first pregnancy was a fairly good one.  I was very very sick for the first 3-4 months, but otherwise pretty uneventful.  Second pregnancy, had a little bit of blood pressure issues, not too bad and slight gestational diabetes.  This labor was the bomb though!  2 hours and 40 min from first pain to born.  (Dr. was mean and impatient, but we made it.)  But I must add, he was 7 days overdue, and the dr. was pushing me to be induced.  She had set a date.  I called my mom, "I really don't want to be induced, I just want it to happen."  Her and my grandmother went to prayer, and that night, the day before the scheduled inducing, I went into labor!  God had answered prayer!

A couple years later we decided we wanted number 3.  I seemed to be having difficulty conceiving for some reason.  My monthly was being irregular which was not normal for me and I honestly didn't know what was going on.  I had finally made a Dr. apt to try to figure out what was going on.

In the meantime, one day at church I felt inspired to be anointed and prayed for.  I don't think I gave any details to the ministry, but while they were praying I literally felt what felt like an adult size hand rub across the INSIDE of my abdomen.  I knew then that God had touched whatever was wrong.  The next week was my dr.'s appointment.  First thing they done was a urine sample.  A few min later the Dr. came in and said, "Congratulations!  You are pregnant!"  Again God answered prayer.

This pregnancy was a little more difficult.  I had major blood pressure issues, severe migraines, and gestational diabetes.  About 4 weeks before due date, dr. put me in the hospital on bed rest.  She was trying to get me a few more days then wanted to induce me b/c I was toxemic.  Again, an inducing date was set.  Again...we went to prayer.  The middle of that night...(the day before set date...again...) my water broke.  They did end up having to start a very small amount of Pitocin b/c water had been broken for several hours and I wasn't doing much anything else.  But that was all it took, just the smallest amount of Pit and we were off.  4 hours later, a 5lb. 3oz...baby boy was here! 

Now don't be haters, but I never had an epidural with any of mine...there wouldn't have been time if I had wanted one...and I was told that if I had gotten one it probably would have slowed things down.  I also will say, I do not for the life of me understand the women that WANT to be induced.  My 3rd had the smallest amount of Pitocin and that was the WORST labor pains EVER...and I had back labor with them all!  The pains were definitely magnified!  That is true!

Since number 3, I have had 7 miscarriages, one of those we are 95% sure was a set of twins.  The last one I had, the Dr. was convinced was a tubal, b/c they could not find the baby in an ultrasound.  Of course they wanted me to take medicine to "dissolve" it, but I just couldn't do it.  They had me nervous...We went to prayer...called others for prayer...and the night before Mother's Day I completely miscarried.  I sent my Mother a Mother's Day gift that year.  She has plenty of babies to rock and cuddle in Heaven! 

But I'm telling you, all these events, not to mention other things in our lives that can be crucial, have made my husband and I who we are!  It has drawn us close...so very close.  These hard things either make you or break you. 

There are a couple key things I would offer as advice for these hard, tear jerking, heart breaking situations.

1.  Pray...pray together...
2.  Communicate...communicate to each other HONESTLY how you feel.  Don't be afraid to say how you feel b/c you don't want to upset the other.  It is so important that you understand how each other feels.  I know when I had the first miscarriage, I didn't realize for a few weeks, that my husband felt guilty.  Felt like it was his fault...that he had somehow hurt the baby during an intimate moment.  As soon as I understood that, I was able to help him understand how that was not his fault.
3.  Listen/Understand...Listen to the others feelings, and try to understand them.  If you can try to understand where they are coming from then you can learn to understand how to work through these situations.
4.  Always remember that everything happens for a reason and even though we may never understand the reason(s) here on earth, they will bind you and your spouse closer together if you will let it!

Don't do these things and they will drive you away from each other.  We have seen it over and over and over!  In the CF community we have watched marriages split up and fall apart time and time again...but that is another story for another day!

Sometimes it's not easy,

Being Thankful

I am hosting my family's Thanksgiving this year.  This is the first time EVER having my family for this holiday and I'm super excited!  Of course 2 of my siblings and their families will be missing b/c they have to go to their outlaws husbands families this year. ;)  (Just being silly...so if my sisters see this they don't get upset with me...:))

Anyway, I have been busily making preparations (and probably spending too much money...but hey, everything has to be just right you know...), cleaning, cleaning, and more cleaning.  ;)

Of course I have to make it fancy...that's my way!  So for the first time since mom passed away we are digging out her china and having a sit down, pass the dishes, dress up, fancy dinner!  Mom would be so excited! Of course my dad will love that we are having a sit down dinner...he hates buffets!  LOL

I have my napkins for the adult table all ready...

My sister found them for me super cheap...and the napkin rings too!  I have some other pre-prep things done as well, but I'll do a full Thanksgiving day post after the fact, so I need to save some stuff for then...besides I don't want all my family to see everything early. ;)

 

Today I made my noodles, so they can be drying.  Have to have homemade noodles...I mean it's part of the dinner!

 

In "other" news...Firefighter must be totally stressed out with school, clinicals, work, social life, no sleep...I found 3 more grey hairs in this dudes head!  He is trying to claim it's the lighting, but uhhh...NO!  I found one over the summer and it's so funny b/c I haven't found any on myself yet...(yes I know I will probably find 10 tomorrow, but so far...or else they are where I can't see them!)

 

And finally for today, I seen this quote the other day and it couldn't have come at a better time for me.  Someone...who thinks I need "old-hurts-to-be-resurfaced-over-and-over-again" tried again last week...and this quote was so perfect!  Love it!

 

I remember my mother telling about someone who had hurt her so terribly and she remembered a devotion in Streams in The Dessert that talked about digging a hole and burying the hurt.  (I don't know the date right off, but if I find it I will edit the post.)  She said one day she was determined to bury that hurt.  She got down to pray and she started mentally digging a hole.  She got so far, but no, that's not deep enough, that's too shallow to easy to dig it back up again...She wanted it buried so deep that it would be very difficult to dig it up.  I have been thinking about that a lot the last couple days.  Mom finally got her hole deep enough and let it go.  I'm trying...I'm working on it.  I'm digging that hole...

 

Hurts are all part of,



  

Righteous forsaken?

Psalms 37:25 I have been young, and now am old; yet have I not seen the righteous forsaken, nor his seed begging bread.

WARNING:  This post will probably be REALLY long!  But I have to tell it all. 
DISCLAIMER:  I am not attempting to run anyone down or make anyone look bad.  I am only telling MY story...MY FAMILIES' story.  Giving God ALL the glory!

Where to start?  I think I'll briefly go back to right before we moved back to this state.  THE biggest, #1 reason we moved from the beautiful state we were in was so we could go to church...get our boys in service.  That's what we wanted.  We left a good job, that my husband loved.  We left a nice home, that was special.  We left it...we were willing for our souls' sakes.  We were concerned about our children...ourselves. 

Fast forward...Oct. 2011~Moved to this state, and lets just say for arguments sake...that nothing, NOTHING went the way we thought it would go.  Things just flat didn't work out for us.  We faced one thing after another.  The rug was being pulled out from under us one piece at a time. 

At one point the only thing we had (other than each other) left was Hubby's job.  Nothing else seemed to be working out.  And his job was MISERABLE!  He had a micromanager boss, that drove him nuts!   and wanted him to work a ridiculous amount of hours...like 5 12's and 8-10's on Saturday...ridiculous!

After 1 year (Aug. 2012) we made a few changes that we felt the Lord leading us to make.  Not sure if they were going to be temporary or permanent...or what the results would be, but changes we made.  It was very difficult, and there were times we thought we made a terrible, terrible mistake in even moving.

Dec. 2012~ Hubby made a comment to me towards the end of the month, "I really feel like the devil is trying to get into this home, trying to do a work."

Jan. 2013~ Didn't realize fully what was happening at first...just thought hubby was having a nervous breakdown, but finally realized he was going through Accusations from the devil.  he (devil, and I purposely am not giving him any credit...no capital letters for him at all!) all but wore my poor husband (and me) out!  That I will save for another day...maybe...that's really his story to tell.  But for the sake of my story, it went on for 8 months!  HARD HARD days!  Something I hope we never have to go through again!  I do feel that some of the problem was his job.  He was bored out of his mind and worn out at the same time and that gave the enemy room to "play".

June/July 2013~ Sometime in these 2 months we looked into buying a camper.  We had been approved for a loan and everything.  On our way to go look at it, we neither one just really felt good about it.  So we turned around and went home and dropped that decision for now. (God's watching out for us.)

July 2013~ I know this seems irrelevant but it needs a note here.  Agreed to buy a 1/2 of a beef from some friends.

Aug. 2013~  Getting ready to go to Campmeeting!  LOVE CAMPMEETING! 
Aug. 1~Picked up beef from butcher shop.
Aug. 2~Hubby comes home from work.  Comes into the bedroom.  Looks at me and says, "They fired me."  What?!  Oh my!  Now up to this point we have had the hardest year I think we have EVER had!  Accusations are SERIOUS!  I looked at him and said, "I don't know what the devil is trying to tell you, but we are going to campmeeting!  We will worry about this when we get back!"  (and before anyone thinks that I was being a mouthy wife, let me just say, that until you have had to deal with what I had just spent the last 8 months dealing with...don't judge!  Accusations are no picnic!) And that is exactly what we did.  (Aug. 3) We went to campmeeting, and to say we didn't discuss it or worry at all would not be truthful, but we tried our best!  And the hubby was able to find some relief!  Started lightening up and acting more like himself.  Yes he still had days that were hard, but the light was breaking through!

So the last strand of the rug had been pulled out, but some of the other pieces that had been pulled out had been reinforced first.  (Just like God, He won't leave us completely hung out to dry!)  So we still had some support.  And let me tell you!  That support system has been AMAZING!  God's people... People that are TRULY God's are AMAZING people!  But then again God is Amazing...so why is that surprising!?

I have always heard people say things like "we didn't know where the next meal was going to come from, or how we were going to pay the next bill."  But never really felt I had the faith to deal with that kind of situation.  When my husband told me the news...I had no idea how long it would be for.  To be honest I really didn't think it would be that long.  There supposedly is a high demand for his type of work.  But I had 2 specific requests from the very get go.  1.  That God would really show himself to my little family.  That my boys would see God beyond a shadow of a doubt.  and 2.  That I would not have to ask for the first red cent.  I didn't want to be a burden, I didn't want to beg...I wanted God just show himself to my family and take care of our needs.  I felt both of these requests very strongly.  And I held to them!

So in the next 8 months...while my hubby is off work here is what we have done: (and not to say these boastingly, but God provided for each and every single one of them)

~Campmeeting
~Went with some saints to take a visiting minister to Niagara Falls.
~Michigan~meeting
~Tennessee 4 x's
~North Carolina~funeral
~All our bills were paid
~not hungry...had food (not prime rib, but we weren't starving! :) )
~no Christmas (but I think we are better off for it, although it was very hard at the time...I think my children learned something so much better by not having it), but we did do birthdays
~God gave us a bigger house...while my husband was UNEMPLOYED!
~Had a surprise 16th birthday party for son #2.
~Fed everyone that came to my house...(and that was a lot...there is always people in and out of my home...I love it that way!  And we ALWAYS fed whoever was here!)
~And did not ask for the first dime...not ONCE!  Thank the Lord!!!  Oh he is SOOOOOO good!  That was my prayer from the very beginning!  Lord I don't want to ask/beg!
~I'm sure there was more, but that's all I can think of at the moment.

Unemployment ran out at the beginning of March.  I'm getting a little nervous, but keep telling myself, God will take care of you/us.  He has never failed us, He won't fail us now!  I want my children to definitely see God in this! 

We have been told, (by more than one person) "If you all need anything just let me know.  We don't want you all over there cold, or hungry."  I appreciate that, I really do, VERY much!  BUT, I struggled with that...just a little.  I was getting a shower one morning shortly after that, and I was praying and crying.  I told God, "I don't want to ask.  I haven't asked for the last 7 months for a thing from a single person, I don't want to start now.  Am I being too stubborn?  Proud?"  Instantly the scripture,
Psalms 37:25 I have been young, and now am old; yet have I not seen the righteous forsaken, nor his seed begging bread., came to mind.  I got hung up on "begging for bread, begging for bread, begging for bread!  I won't have to beg for bread!  He will take care of me!  Rest!  I was instantly filled with relief!  I had assurance from God!  I cannot get this out like I feel/felt it, but...

At one point I told my husband we are down to some steaks, which were promised to be shared with someone (and I'm sure they would have a fit if they knew we kept them to share with them), and a couple roasts that I am trying to keep for Sunday dinner, and a few odd and end "sides".  Not sure what was going to happen, but decided to just take it one day at a time.  Had to go to another "city" with a friend, but knew I would have to go to the store when we got home to get something for dinner.  I never said a word to her about it.  Lets just say by the time I got home I had $90...$30 for gas, the rest for the grocery.  My grocery total came to $59.37.  Those groceries should get me through at least 1 week...we will worry about next week, next week.  Tomorrow will take care of itself.  I just love seeing God work like this and prove himself to my family!  Oh I have been so excited to share these testimonies!  But I needed to wait, so the devil has no room to work!  

Another day, I had several people over to help me work on a project.  I had nothing for dinner...and we always fed everyone.  I was a little troubled about what we were going to do. (again...never said anything)  But one of the people here said, "We are ordering pizza for everyone for dinner tonight."

Another day, while we were completely out of EVERYTHING!  I was making a grocery list...trying to figure out how I was going to get everything I needed with the little I had.  While working on that grocery list someone called me and said, "Are you running low on anything?  I'm meeting you at the store with $x for groceries."  WHILE I WAS WORKING ON MY GROCERY LIST!!!!  Now how in the world would she know I was working on my list except for God to tell her!

One Sunday night the gas light came on in the truck on the way to church.  We made a mental note that we had to put a few dollars in it on the way home from church.  On our way home from church, (I honestly had forgotten about it) but my husband says, "Who put gas in the truck?"  The truck had over a 1/2 tank in it!

March 17, 2014...is this our "lucky" day?  (No I do not believe in "luck" but...for the sake of the day...)  Well it is the day we were given a precious bundle of joy!  Son #2's birthday...16th birthday at that!  Hubby has an interview at a place he applied for a month ago.  ...came home...bummed out.  Didn't feel like it went very well at all.  So he pry won't hear from them again.  He was really excited before hand b/c it sounded like a really good job...something he thought he would enjoy.  Now mind you, he has had some other interviews, but nothing just seemed to be panning out.  (Job A)  (Mind you...this interview was on my middle son's birthday, the name of the place is the same as his initials, and it has to do with aerospace...and this child loves airplanes...so...coincidence?  you decide :) )

He also had a 6 hour interview a couple weeks before this one, that called him like 100 times for references...kind of annoying...but...(important info)(Job B)

Wed. March 19...Job A calls back wanting a 2nd interview on Friday!  Ok we are excited now!  He didn't think the first one went well, and they called back already!  They said they had more interviewing to do in the next couple weeks!  We ask for prayer from our faithful prayer warriors at church! 

Friday March 21~2nd interview~I was on pins and needles all morning!  But the song the Collingsworth family sings, "God is Moving" was stuck in my head and I played that CD all morning.  Hubby felt it went really really well!  He was SOOOO hyper when he came home I thought I was going to go crazy!  LOL  He got a tour of the place and some other info that I am not free to share that made it seem they were definitely interested.  They said they hoped to make a decision the following week. 

Saturday March 22~Hubby got a Job offer letter via email from Job B! WHAT?!  Why now?!  And he has to reply within 3 days.  That's Tuesday!  Oh boy!  Now what do we do!  Once again we asked the Saints to please pray.  We need direction now!  Lets just say we didn't sleep well.  Monday and Tuesday we were fasting and praying...hard!  And the song God gave me Friday still hasn't left me.  There were many reasons we didn't want Job B.  It would go against everything we wanted...all our desires...the reasons we had for moving here in the first place. 

Sunday March 23~ Fixed the last beef roasts from the beef I bought in July...last of that beef period.

Tuesday March 25~Decision day is here.  Today's Streams in the Dessert devotion was "Faith for the Desperate Days"  It was so perfect for this day!  So fitting!  Hubby went to morning prayer meeting... Sometimes we go through things in this life and don't always fully know why, but we do know it is for a reason. One of my children asked me at the table this morning, "Why is it when you have a big decision to make that God seems to make it as dramatic as possible?" Me: "So there is no doubt in anyone's mind who done it, when it is done!" All I want through this is for my children to see God, only God and his power!  Hubby came home.  He was getting ready to call Job B, I asked him what he was going to say to them?  We discussed this a bit, then we prayed together about it.  When we were done praying we neither one felt good about accepting the job.  We struggled a little with this.  One thing that we both have always seeked in big decisions was that we are both on the same page...of the same book!  If we aren't then we need to go back to our knees until we are.  We both had the same feelings...scripture came to us, "He will give us the desires of our hearts."  It was not our desires...hubby's desires.  Our desires were to be in church...that's the whole reason we moved here.  This job would have kept him out.  That just didn't make any sense.  Why would we have left everything we had for this?  Just for a sanity  check though he decided to call our pastor and just kind of make sure we weren't totally crazy.  After explaining the situation and why we felt the way we did, Pastor said, "well it sounds to me like you know what you need to do."  Before hubby got off the phone he said, "I guess I'll keep praying about it through the afternoon." Pastor: "What is there to pray about?"  Reality check!  Ok.  Hubby calls and turns down the offer.  This was about 2:00ish.  Now the stupid old devil (one of these days I'm going to get a punching bag and paint the devils face on it, I will wear that thing out!) tried to get in and make us second guess ourselves.  (we later found out he attacked our pastor as well, and was making him worry he had told him the wrong thing.)  But I refused it.  I said, no it's done...there is nothing we can do about it now.  Not going there!  At one point I told my husband, maybe it was a test of obedience???  He said obedience to what?  I said to God.  I don't know...just a thought.  I busied myself through the afternoon with normal "mom" jobs.  Hubby paced...some...I gave him a couple jobs (wink wink).  Put supper on...5:14 pm Hubby's phone rang.  I'm busy with supper prep.  He goes to the bedroom to take his phone call...as is normal.  A few minutes later he says, "Tracy come here a minute."  I had a feeling I knew what was coming!  I go.  He has this mile wide grin on his face.  I decide to play dumb.  Going to make him tell me...hehe.  Our conversation:
Hubby:  that was them. 
Me:  who?
Hubby:  Job A.
Me:  What did they say?
Hubby:  They are sending me an offer letter tomorrow!
Ok I'm done playing now!  I pretty much tackled him...crying...laughing...happy!!!!! 

So we turn down a job...and trust that he will take care of us, and in about 3 hours he got the offer he wanted!  He still doesn't start work for a few weeks so there is still some time for God to keep taking care of us!

They low balled him on the pay...pretty badly...but we just felt God in it so much.  We talked to a friend of our that is an HR manager and she suggested that he just ask them if there is any room for negotiation.  So he did.  He called talked to the HR lady...she said she would check into and get back with him.  This was the longest wait EVER!  I was ok, with less money as long as he was happy with his job...but I was struggling with this one a little...more b/c I was afraid they would withdraw the offer.  The devil NEVER leaves his job post let me tell you!  Well, our friend was being attacked as well.  She was a nervous wreck that she had made a wrong suggestion.  I knew God had definitely worked in the situation up to this point, and I knew he wouldn't stop now, but the devil was harassing me.  When they finally called they gave him back all but $1 of his former salary!  I can live with that! :)

Suppose to start the job on April 14th.  (A lot of things to get ready for it.)  He does everything he is suppose to do on his end.  In the meantime, it is time for the boys, "tune ups" in the hospital in the former state we lived in.  So the first week of April we were in the hospital...timing was so perfect!  Dad could be with us there.  Came home from hospital on Thursday April 3. (and even that adventure God showed himself to us yet again.)

Saturday April 5~ Hubby submitted the final things to the "new job" that he had left.

Monday April 7~He got a call..."everything is ready, you can start whenever you want to!"  Praise the Lord!

Tuesday April 8~ HUBBY WENT TO WORK!  He called me on his lunch and said, "I really really like this place!"  I'm so super thankful!  There are other things that I can't say, but lets just say when God does something...He does it well! 

No, I have never seen the righteous forsaken or his seed begging for bread!

My husbands verse is Luke 6:38 Give and it shall be given unto you; good measure, pressed down, and shaken together, and running over...  Good measure...you have heard it said, "one more for good measure"  Well God has given 2 or 3 or 4 more for good measure!  Pressed down and shaken together...you know when you buy a bag of chips it says, "some settling may occur"  Well God does not ship them that way...they are running over!  I certainly am running over with thanksgiving and praise!

I'm sure I will think of more to add, but for now!

UPDATE 1:  Since this company pays every other week and the week he started was a pay week, we had figured, and mentally prepared ourselves, that we would not receive his first paycheck for 3 weeks.  He signed his timecard on noon Friday for the first week he had worked.  On Saturday we were out of town all day and did not get home until 10:00 P.M.  I checked the mail and guess what was in there!  We was like "are you serious?!"  They must have instant payroll!  My HR Manager friend, said "that is unheard of!"  God just keeps blessing!  He is so amazing!

All part of the life we are,

From a Mother's Heart

As the mother of boys I have tried very very hard to teach them to be respectful of women. Their father also has taught by example! I teach them to NEVER EVER degrade women, especially the ones you love. It is ugly and hurtful. Women are not stupid, ignorant, whatevers. I teach them that ladies are first...to open doors for them...to help carry their things...etc.  After all whether today's women like it or not we ARE the weaker vessel.  I think too many times we try to be the stronger vessel and that has gotten us in trouble.  I also do not allow them to say anything about "women drivers".

I also on the other hand, do not degrade men, and especially not my husband. I NEED him, I LOVE him and have absolutely no desire to tear him down.

That being said, it is very disturbing to read/hear people degrading the opposite sex. We DO need them. God created them, He created it to work that way. Men are different from women, they are suppose to be!  That does not make men weak.

It is very heartbreaking when one of your boys, that is endeavoring to live right, has a desire to be a Godly man/husband/etc. looks at you and says, "momma, are there really any good girls out there?"  And this is said after a girl blatantly put men down on a facebook post.  Girls you so need to be careful what you say!  It REALLY does matter!  You want to be treated like the Princess, or the Queen, you have to treat him like the King!

Now, this momma has a hurting, disappointed heart to tend to.  I don't want that heart to become hard, and build a resistance to love.  Love is beautiful, if done right!  And it is not done right if it is tearing each other down!

All part of the life we are,

 

Revilings

Hi!  I seriously WANT to do better with this whole blog thing!  I WANT to do it!  I just get so busy!  (Imagine that!)  Last week we had a Campmeeting at our church and as I was helping the dear Older lady in the kitchen I joked about being lazy.  She laughed and laughed...and said, "Now that's funny right there!"  I love her DEARLY!!!  She means more to me than she will probably ever know. 

This has been a CRAZY year!  I am not going to get into it just now, but I hope that someday (sooner than later, I HOPE)  I will be able to blog about it!  But I do want to share something that just recently happened to me/us.

Last week, our family was verbally attacked in a way like never before.  I mean it was TERRIBLE!  Lies, twisted events, vicious things were said about us, called all sorts of things.  Thursday was the worst of it.  We received email after email after email.  By the afternoon I was feeling pretty miserable.  I had a major headache from crying, and the devil was having a party in my mind!  (Mind battles are the worst!...and I am determined to crash his party btw) Our Campmeeting was starting that night and I had company coming to stay with us, and I didn't feel like any of it!  Actually, I felt like I had been beaten and left on the side of the road...wishing for my "good Samaritan" to come along.  I was struggling with, "am I really this horrible of a person?  Are my children really this disrespectful?  Am I so messed up that I can't see this?"  We got ourselves together, got ready for worship, I put a smile on my face, (b/c that's what I do) and headed to church.  I took my desserts for the weekend into the dining hall.  I told the lady in charge, "I have more at home, if you need them just let me know."  She hugged me and said, "You are so precious!"  I came unglued!  She still has no idea why I started bawling, and she stood there rubbing my back and said, "You need to let those tears out my dear!  Tears are a language that God understands."  (My Good Samaritan had come!)  If she had any idea I had heard nothing but the opposite of that all day...all week long!  When the minister got up to preach, the very first scripture he read was Isaiah 51:7 Hearken unto me, ye that know righteousness, the people in whose heart is my law; fear ye not the reproach of men, neither be ye afraid of their revilings. I thought I was going to lose it!  I was crying...again...but this time b/c...The first day of the meeting and God cares so much about ME...little old ME that he would send an entire message of encouragement to ME!  More scriptures were read about being not afraid of men...and on and on.  I looked up the word revilings...it means  "to assail (attack) with abusive language"!  SERIOUSLY!!  I did still seek some counsel about the issue the next day because the enemy was attacking me so forcefully I needed some peace of mind, but I am still amazed at how this took place!  That God cares that much for ME!  The entire weekend was such an encouragement to my family!  Even this week when the enemy has tried to come in like a flood I have gone back to this scripture for a reminder!  The next day I was told "Your boys are some of the nicest, respectful boys I have ever met."  Oh I know they are not perfect, but being told they are disrespectful...was a little hard to swallow...after all we have tried to pour into them?

God is SOOOO good!  Despite all that we have been through, I cannot...do not want  to live my life without Him.  Others may come and go, but I NEED HIM!  It's so difficult to think about all the millions of people in this world, yet He still knows right where I am and just what I need!  I love Him so much!


Yes, even though the road gets rocky and steep at times, we are still,